Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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