is your mom at the bar?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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