I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
either way he was missing a nipple.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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