Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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