don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
