she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
