i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
