this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
