well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
