Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Please don't give away my fajitas
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
