I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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