Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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