you would pick up someone in the library
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
