i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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