i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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