quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
