I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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