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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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