out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize