I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
