I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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