I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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