Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
