genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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