I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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