Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
