You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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