So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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