I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
