I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish you could order shots online.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
