i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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