Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
