upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
