I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
