so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
