Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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