I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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