Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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