So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
