This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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