Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Alive.
So much puke
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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