he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
