she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
