man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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