i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
