Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
