I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize