I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
