I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
