So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
