I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
