I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
