i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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