get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
