Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
