i was born a porn star she said
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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