i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
