Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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