Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
