So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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