Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
