You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
