All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
