ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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