This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
