the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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