Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
