We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sarcasm needs its own font
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
