bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
