just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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