a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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