the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we're so committed to being not committed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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