So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
