She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
