I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
