I cannot find my penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
