i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
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Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
