you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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